sinking in

It always seems like every time I want to write a new post I am in a bad mood, this is just the only time that I have acted on it. Let me ask you a question...

What is a friend?

To me, a friend is someone I enjoy being around, a friend is someone who I can vent to, a friend is someone I can respect, a friend is someone I can laugh with, someone I can cry with, someone I get along with and sometimes fight with, a friend is someone I can get advice from, but most of all, a friend is someone I can be Honest with.

Am I wrong? I don't expect much out of my friends, but I do ask that they feel how I do about honesty.

Well this is the story, I was friends with this guy and we decided to be friends with benefits... However, we would do this only on one condition, an agreement, that if it affected our friendship, we wouldn't do it. Our friendship meant more to me than hooking up and I thought it meant the same to him too.

Being friends, a text back would be nice, a call would be nice, and hanging out would be nice. But after a while, I'm assuming that it is too difficult for him to do any of these things. Why do I assume this? Because he is not honest with me. If he told me that I was the ugliest most annoying creature in the world and never wanted to look at me again, I would appreciate his Honesty more than him straight up ignoring me. (Hahaha Okay maybe that's a little exaggerated but u get the point). I just feel that this friendship is a one way street and I'm tired of being the only one walking down it. If our friendship really matters to him then I'll give him the opportunity to grow a pair and let me know his thoughts.

Don't get it twisted, my feelings for him are 100 percent mutual. I would never think of him more than a friend b/c if I did, I would be HONEST about it. If any one of my friends treated me with a subtle disrespect like he is, I would feel the same way about them too.

Am I being crazy? Or are these feelings somewhat justified? My friends are the ones who opened my eyes about this situation and told me that some of the things that he says/does are disrespectful. I just brushed them off in the beginning. I know now that I deserve to be treated with SOME dignity and respect from someone I call a friend. If he were just a random guy that I hooked up with, it would be different, but he's not a random guy.

It just sucks that our little agreement that we made is gonna end up costing a good friendship .......or will it?